Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
