New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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