Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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