The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
