The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
