Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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