I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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