you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
