I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
