I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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