I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
