; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my poor anus
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
