you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
