I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
