Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
