went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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