my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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