Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
