he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
