please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize