I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
