I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
