Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
