Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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