That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
