He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
