YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
