he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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