In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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