I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
