awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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