Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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