I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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