i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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