You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
