i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
