He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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