just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
false alarm. still invincible.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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