I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
