Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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