I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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