the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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