My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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