Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
