you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize