Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
