My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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