I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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