Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
