i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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