Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
