Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
