Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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