So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
