Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
