"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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