3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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