Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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