i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
