So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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