Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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