shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
