You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
